You Have No Idea

My husband and I went mattress shopping last week. Not for our room but for the guest room in our basement. Since our daughter moved out several months ago her bedroom in the basement has been vacant. I had taken the time to clean it thoroughly a few weeks after we had helped her move in to her studio apartment and it had been just sitting and waiting for us to do something with it. Our eldest son called a few weeks back to tell me that he had purchased some new bedroom furniture and ask what we thought he should do with his old set. I told him that we would take it except for the mattress which was quite old and that he could trash the mattress there in KC. So one evening Jerry and I drove up took CJ to dinner and then disassembled his bedroom furniture and brought it home. We actually made quick work of getting it moved into the basement the next day and it has been sitting "mattress free" all this time. We decided to take our time and really shop around to get a comfortable mattress at a good price. We had looked at several places and finally went in to the Mattress Firm, as we had purchased our last 3 sets for our family there including our own. The salesman was eager, as most usually are. He assumed we were shopping for our personal use but we let him know right away it was for a guest room in our home. He immediately steered us toward the mid priced mattresses and the discounted mattresses in the back. After we had walked around and tried out a few we decided to wait a while longer before committing to a purchase. As we wandered out of the back room to leave we noticed a few new top of the line selections and decide just to try them out. The salesman joked with my husband and said he needed a good guest room bed just in case he got put in the "doghouse" and had to sleep elsewhere. My husband laughed and assured him he had never had that problem. The salesman chuckled as we left telling Jerry how lucky he was. My husband just smiled and said "You have no idea!" It reminded me of something that happened during my treatments. It was when I was so, so sick. My sister was staying with us and I had just started my second round of chemo. The radiation was taking its toll and I was vomiting and suffering from unrelenting diarrhea. I was gross. The nights were long and I was up often to vomit and was sleeping on a pad because often I was incontinent. It was humiliating, disgusting, and I know the smell had to be overwhelming. My sister was spending half the night holding my head, my hand or wiping my ass and cleaning me up. After about the third night of this misery I visited with my sister and husband with an idea to make things easier. My first suggestion was to relocate myself into the guest room across the hall from my sister thinking if I was closer to her that it make it easier on her and allow my husband a full nights sleep as he was working long days. My husband thought I would rest better in our bed. My sister said she agreed with him. Then I suggested that perhaps my sister could sleep with me and Jerry might be happier in a guest room. My sister said she would do whatever I wanted her to do. Again, Jerry resisted. I remember starting to cry and telling them both I was just plain gross and no one should be sleeping me. Jerry looked at me and simply said "You have cancer. You are not gross and I am going to sleep with you every chance I get." that was the end of the discussion. My husband slept with me every night no matter what and my sister practically wore a path in the carpet between her room and ours. Both of them doing what was best for me physically and emotionally. I had forgotten all about this story until this mattress shopping trip triggered the memory. I should have told that mattress salesman that I was the lucky have no idea :)
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Good story, Michele. I, too, remember feeling "gross" many times during treatment. However, I had and still have the same good fortune as you--a husband who took care of me, even when I was "gross." You are doubly blessed with a sister! Martha
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What a story!!! And what an antidote to the horrible stories of spouses and family members who abandon cancer patients! Thank You Michele...
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What a wonderful story and what a wonderful husband and sister you have! Thanks for sharing with us. It is good to remember how far we have come since treatment!
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What a sweet story. I love that we can find the positive out of the worst part of treatment. One of my worst experiences was my dad had to help give me an enema before my colon cancer surgery and he was so gentle and never once thought anything about it, yet I was crying from being embarrassed and he told me..."baby I would do anything for your if it means that you are going to be well". Our loved ones do not see us as gross because they care too much I have learned from my last four plus years. You are so very blessed with a wonderful hubby and sister! Melinda
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Michele, I love your story and reading the follow-up comments brought ears to my eyes. Thanks for taking the time share your thoughts and the reminder of how blessed we are to have dedicated, loving friends and family supporting us.
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I love this story! I think we all felt that way. I remember at one point during my recovery period gas was so bad I cried, "I am too stinky to love" lucky my BF disagreed and we laugh about that now.
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This story is great, we do feel gross, it is a barbaric treatment to go through. How great that your husband said that to you.
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Vital Info


October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3


As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation.


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