The Precious Time I am Granted!

Do you remember the show "Thirty Something"? It ran in the late 80's, maybe early 90's. It kind of has a similar theme to the "Parenthood" drama that is running now. Anyway, being a young mother with small children in that time period, I completely related to the series and never missed it. One season it was all about how one of these "thirty-something" mothers got diagnosed with breast cancer and it all focused around her and her feelings and relationships during her diagnosis and treatment. At the conclusion of the season she was in the hospital waiting for some results post intervention and we were all holding our collective breaths when the doctor comes in to talk to them. Her cancer is gone, but the joy is short lived because one of the other characters is killed while riding his bike, of which they are informed by phone in her hospital room. It is a shock to me and the rest of the series fans. Nobody saw that coming. It made me sad, then mad and I debated watching even one more episode because I didn't like how things were turning out for my characters. I really liked that guy. He was nice and didn't deserve it! Fast forward to real life, this past Thursday, January 3, 2013. You can call my life drama "Cancer Something" if you want, but I think "Cancerhood" has a better ring to it. In my true story, I had an appointment with my oncologist to discuss what further treatment, if any, would be needed after my surgical intervention for my cancer re-occurence in my right lung. My bestie and hubby were with me. We were overjoyed to learn that my CT scan was clear and that "remission" was now my word again. He was cautiously optimistic and scheduled me for further testing in 8 weeks, but I had a spring in my step when I left his office. I even bragged out on Facebook that "Remission was my word!" We went out with friends that night, toasted to my health and how "tough" I was. Later, driving home from our evening out, I learned that a dear member of our church had passed away from cancer that very day. It shocked me. I didn't see it coming. I knew he was hospitalized at the same time as me because our pastor had informed me that we were "neighbors". Neither one of us was well enough to visit the other. I started to cry and Jerry took my hand to comfort me. I was so sad and then mad at stupid cancer! I wasn't liking how things were working out. I really admired this man and he was so kind and joyous. He and his entire family was nice and didn't deserve this! My newly proclaimed remission had become bittersweet. For one moment I wished I could have given it (my remission) to my friend. He deserved it as much as anybody. "Why?" I cried out to God. "I don't understand." I weep, even now, as I write this, overwhelmed by my human frailty. I realize that in this moment, when I know there is not one thing I can do and I am weak, God's power is the strongest: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." To this I cling as I try to make sense of it all. I would pray for any ounce of understanding in this but I am not sure that I am meant to understand. Am I doing what I am supposed to? What is that? Maybe I am simply meant to bring a little hope to others and not waste any of the precious time I am granted!
Sabina sent you a prayer.
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Michele-- I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I really don't think we are meant to understand this, other than to believe it's all part of God's plan. Still, losing people who come into our lives, bring us joy, give us support, or love us despite our flaws is never easy. I'm very sorry. Hugs-- Martha
Hi Michele, I am so sorry about your friend. Just last week I found out my bestie, the one who helped me so much through my treatment, has breast cancer. It felt so odd for me to go with her to the same cancer center that she took me to so many times. Life is so unfair, but we all know that. I am very happy to hear you are in remission and I hope it's forever. Mari
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Wrong button:( We seldom think about it, but we are all destined to die at the moment of birth (or possibly conception) so we can all look to this day as a day of remission - one more day to be grateful for our lives, family and friends. May God bless us all. Ron
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Hi Michele, I so remember that show and I LOVED it!. It was the only show that I watched every week and was really amazed that since then no other show can compare to it..though Parenthood is close and I Love that show too.in fact again the only show I don't like to miss...! I remember that episode of course..and it is insane that your experience so closely mirrors that episode..Like Ron said beautifully we just don't know and the randomness of it all appears to have no explanation. It is at times like this that all we have to fall back on is God's grace..though sometimes I must tell you I can't find it..I can't see it...but I know..it is in the very ordinary every day things..the gifts that we don't normally think "This is a gift" right? xxoo to you, Lori
Michelle- I LOVED that show. I couldn't wait to see each episode each week. Having young kids at the time I related to a lot of the stories it seemed. I will have to check out the show "Parenthood" if it is anything like "Thirty Something". I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. It is heartbreaking. I don't think there is anyway to understand pain, suffering and death. Time, family, friends and faith will get you through. I am finding that healing is a very slow process though. Hugs, Linda
Michelle , cancer doesn't take us.. when God calls us home we go.. cancer is not of God at all.... He is all good and so are you . I will pray for you and your friends family .. hugs and love Sabina:)
Dakota likes this comment
I know I will sound cold by what I will say right now but----Please cry for yourself at this time, probably like you and your husband did after hearing that you are in remission. Cry for happiness, it's your turn! I know what it is like to hear about a friend as you did but thats then and you are now! Please don't think I am a monster, I can cry at the drop of a hat! There are reasons for everything, understandable or not, you obviously have a meaning and a reason to be here in remission. God Bless you and yours...
I am not sure what sort of faith I have but I do believe that we all have our time. Yours is not yet. Sadly it was for your friend. It is always unfair. Annabelle
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October 3, 2011

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January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3

No

As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp

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