Finally Breathing

My sister arrived this last week. This has been our "disaster plan" for the last three years. It was discussed every three to four months around scan time. We always felt secure in our plan, well my sissy did anyway and had to remind me all the time, that if I needed chemo again that she would come again and everything would be "okay, no matter what." I first realized that we were going to deploy that plan while at MD Anderson upon awaking from my bronchoscopy and being informed that my cancer was back again and that surgery was not an option. There would be no "plucking it out" this time. It was going to have to be poisoned out of me. I remember the hitch in the breath I sucked in as I viscerally responded to the news a few days before that my scan showed a "hungrier" lymph node than the month before. Calling my sister was the first and easiest call I made that day. All she said really is "I am coming and I love you" and just like that the gears of our 3 year old plan were in motion.

We figured it would take a week to get things together in Wichita. I had to see my local oncologist, who had to speak with the team at MDA and then it would have to be ordered and scheduled. I have been working in medicine long enough to know that these things take time. My husband, daughter, besties and I decided that if by some miracle they could start my treatment right away that between all of us we could handle round one. It was decided that my sister would come at the end of July and if by some chance we had to deal with chemo before her arrival, we would and if you read my blog often, you know that we did. Naturally, when I saw old "brown shoes" we were starting "tomorrow". No one with cancer refuses to start "tomorrow"; we say "let's do it!" That's what we say. Waiting for my sister to come because we miscalculated the timing would be like being on the edge of the biggest fight of your life against a scumbag, low life opponent that you know is going to fight dirty and having your fist drawn back to deliver the first blow and then saying "Hold that thought." and walking away because someone you need in your corner is not there. Street fighting doesn't work that way. Fight early, fight fast, and give it everything you've got no matter what the circumstance. My sissy wasn't here yet. My daughter took me to chemo, my husband went to his training and my besties had my back otherwise. We did it. It was a long 8 day wait for my sissy to come, but I stood up, stronger every day, after the chemo knocked me on my ass and I was excited on the day she was arriving. My husband came from work and picked me up at home and we headed to the airport. 

My hubby dropped me off at the doors of the main terminal and went to park the truck while I went to check the arrival screen for her flight details and head to the bank of chairs that lined the walls near the base of the exit/entrance ramp by security. There were only a few chairs open so I sat next to giant trash can on my right and left a semi open seat to my left. I say semi open because it held the purse of the next lady down and I thought it was rude with all the people there to hog a chair just for your purse. Anyway, her flight was on time and another flight had just arrived from Chicago and those folks were making their way down the ramp and scooting off to baggage claim or clinging to their awaiting family in this makeshift greeting area. My chest started feeling tight and my husband, who reads me like a book, asked what was wrong. I say I am nervous and he asks why and I don't know. I stand to switch sides of the hall because people are blocking my view. The flow of people down the ramp slows to a trickle and then picks up again as the flight from Atlanta deplanes. I scan the faces looking for my sister, several minutes pass and then I see her and she waves at me from just beyond the security check point. As she descends the ramp I run to her and she drops her bag so we can hug. I breathe in the scent of my sister! Tears come to my eyes and choke my throat as I tell her happy I am to see her. "No crying in the airport!" she says into my ear. As we hug for a moment longer I think "Am I crying? I'm not crying. I'm not crying. I'm breathing...I am finally breathing."

3 people threw a punch at your cancer.
Betty, Carol sent you a prayer.
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You are so strong! Stronger than the scumbag you are fighting!! Sending you more strength hugs and prayers.
Michele likes this comment
I'm so glad your sis is there with you! Stay strong, my dear friend, you can beat this! Love and Hugs!
Michele likes this comment
Your support system is amazing, Michele! I'm so glad your sister is physically in your corner now, too! Love, hugs and continued prayers, Danean
Michele likes this comment
A huge hug, dear Michelle, for you, and for your sister.
Michele likes this comment
Sisters hold the lifeline when things are scary and unknown. God bless you and your sister.
Michele likes this comment
Michele; My sister has been there for me all along so I know the importance of this for you. God bless all of our "sisters" for the hand holding and being strong enough to be there for us! Always, Maya
Michele likes this comment
You are amazing! Keeping fighting...cancer doesn't stand a chance against you and your team!
Michele likes this comment
Keep on doing what you are doing! It is a gift you are giving. BTW, I thought we were friends on FB, but now I can't seem to raise you there. Glitch or decision?
Michele likes this comment
Well, I have tears now! So, so happy your sister is able to be with you. Deep breaths, one foot after the other. The Lord is with you. You have a strong "team". :> Cyber HUG!
Michele likes this comment
We are all holding our breath for you but you will get through this - fight as dirty as you have too. It will be beaten Annabelle
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Vital Info


October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3


As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation.


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