Who Says You Can't Take It With You?!

I think it is interesting how thoughts link together. I was on call a couple of weekends back and since we did a procedure on Friday afternoon it required a Saturday morning follow up at the hospital. I arose early to shower and dress. Being a Saturday the dress code is more relaxed. I certainly would never wear sweats or shorts in to see a patient, but I was happy to exchange my standard scrub attire for my new dark denim jeans accented with a pretty top and finished off with a light washed cropped jean jacket. The patient visit was pretty uneventful since everything was as it should be post operatively and I felt quite liberated as I slid behind the wheel of my CRV in the hospital parking garage. I donned my favorite pair of sunglasses, my coveted Oakley’s, that I had purchased five years back. Up until I had bought these I had never indulged in a costly pair of sunglasses, usually opting for a five dollar pair from Walmart. I always figured the odds of them ending up at the bottom of Table Rock Lake were relatively high or a kid might break them or I might sit on them and break them myself so why lay down too much cash for the inevitable destiny that each pair held. But that first year after I had cancer I wanted those sunglasses so bad. My husband took me to the eyeglass store and the moment they were removed from the locked cabinet and I placed them on the bridge of my prominent nose and admired my reflection I knew i had to have them no matter the price. They looked good on me and I felt good in them. I even think I would like to be buried with them when the time comes. No, I know I want to be buried with them! They are just “me”. 

Anyway, the weather was mild so I opened my sunroof and cranked up the radio for the 20 minute drive home. I have been feeling very well, the last six months especially. I have been working with a trainer to strengthen my body which had been so weakened from the travesty that is anal cancer treatment coupled with the repeat onslaught of secondary treatment of my lung recurrence just about  20 months ago. Just so much chemo and radiation over the last half decade had really softened me. While pausing at a red light I got to thinking how much stronger my body felt and it was being reflected, although only mildly, in how I look as well. I glanced down at my rather new blue jeans and remembered back to a time not that long ago when I thought buying any clothing for myself was just a waste of money. I just figured I was going to die anyway of this wretched cancer that I have so why throw money away on pants, or shoes, or bras, or jewelry. I felt like I was just throwing it all in a hole in the ground. Wasteful. Ask my husband. It practically took an act of God for him to convince me to buy new cross trainers when mine had a hole in them for pity sake! I always rationalized that I should wait for one more scan, the next round of tests, or the next set of labs because if my cancer was back I wasn’t spending a dime. I chuckled right out loud, thinking how silly I had been. I realized in that very moment that me indulging in new personal items isn’t frivolous or wasteful. So I have stage IV cancer...SO WHAT?! New cloths feel so nice and fit so much better. Like when I slip on those Oakley’s I feel unstoppable and if I die, well, I die. Truth be told I guess it is like throwing the money in a hole in the ground because I am taking them with me when I go. The jeans, the cross trainers and those wonderful Oakley shades. Who says you can’t take it with you?!

Annabelle, Becky threw a punch at your cancer.
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I agree, why die rich. In that I have no kids to leave anything to why not enjoy as much as I can. In a twisted way it could be funny in a "gotcha" way to die owing medical type services heaps of money because we all know that most of what is owed is due to greedy mark ups on cost of procedures. I'll never get over the anger I still feel about the $5100 difference in the bone biopsy prices.
Michele, June like this comment
I know what you mean. My Mir with insurance was three thousand,while my daughter's uninsured was five thousand at same place.
Michele likes this comment
Love it!!!
Michele likes this comment
I don'the know you, but I LOVE YOU! Your posts are so funny and well-worded. I wish I would take the time to write my best. I bought "radiation wear", and "chemo wear" so I would have clothes that worked with a port. You rock! And my Oakley glasses were my favorite ever. I buy them for my son now!
Michele likes this comment
I was looking at sunglasses that interchangeable lenses of different colors ..4 different ones.. and they are round and from the 70's on eBay I am thinking about buying them but they are 25 bucks but I really want them... Idk have to think about it...I want to be buried above ground so i can breathe:) ok bad joke I know ... been a long day:) love you Michele.. hugs and love and always prayers sabina
Michele likes this comment
George Carlin said it best: a friend of mine died penniless; he spent all his money and then he died, how perfect is that? As much as I'd love to have money to leave my offspring, between medical bills, car repairs and college loans, I'll be in the hole forever- a personal small treat certainly would be nice.
Michele likes this comment
Michele your the best! I can relate to all those thoughts.When I was diagnosed with cancer I gave my only daughter my diamond tennis bracelet for her university graduation and my Diamond ring for her Birthday.LOL I figured I didn't need to go to my grave with all that jewellery.I now will have to borrow it if I need to go some where fancy.lol
Michele likes this comment
Inspirational....you are a gifted writer.
Michele likes this comment
Saving is good,but living is better. I recently splurged on non Wal-Mart cute blouses.
Michele, Becky like this comment
Good for you! I did a similar thing post cancer treatment and bought myself a nice pair of Prada sunglasses. I love them. Sometimes we need the little diversions to make us feel better about the things over which we have no control. A nice pair of sunglasses makes me feel better. Suck it, cancer! Rock on, Michele!
Michele likes this comment
Great post...you go girl!!!!! What are you doing at gym....i am like jello and lost way to much muscle. Hugs😘😘
Michele likes this comment
I meet with my trainer once a week...lots of free weights. I also bike, swim and arc trainer as well.
I go twice a week to PT and after each visit I treat myself to something new for me or for the house. It helps with my mental focus. Rock on with Oakley, for me I am a Ray-Ban gal.
My grandmother wanted to be buried in her pajamas as if she were sleepng. We buried her in a nice pink pj pant suit with a matching robe. My husband says he wants to be cremated and mixed with cement and dumped in the ocean as part of a barrior reef for the fish to swim around.
Michele likes this comment
OK...now we want to see a picture of you in those Oakleys!
Michele likes this comment
I relate to what you're saying. While going through treatment, I thought at least I'm driving in a nice car..who cares if it's a gas guzzler. Recently bought a maxi dress priced at $325 But it was 80% off. Still looking for bargains, but shopping for what I really like. Great post.
Michele, June like this comment
what kind of car?
2013 Chrysler 300 SRT8: 6.4-liter Hemi V-8, 470 horsepower, 470 lb-ft of torque, Black with custom leather & suede red interior. Very pretty.
Laurie, Carmen like this comment
nice! love them and the hemi, good choice. I want the charger with the hemi. I'm driving a trans am I just can't give up. But I only have a 5.8 liter, I'm jealous!
my question - what type of dress ? LOL
Laurie likes this comment
Why shouldn't you have a few nice things that make you feel good?!
Michele likes this comment
This makes me feel so much better about the couple hundred dollars I spent at Tommy Bahamas's over the weekend...but had a %50 gift card and got 2 more $50 gift cards...I do now also treat myself to a massage every other week and chiropractic appt on the other weeks
Michele likes this comment
BRILLIANT! Love your thinking!
Michele likes this comment
Just like you I use to have my "best" clothes which I felt great in and my everyday clothes. Now I wear them all whenever I feel like it so I can feel good all the time. Hugs Annabelle
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Vital Info


October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3


As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp


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