Peace Anyone?

So far this month I have been to a wedding and a funeral. Both of the services were for fellow parishioners at my church. The wedding was the first of the month and the funeral was exactly 2 weeks later. As I seated myself in my favorite pew in my church in preparation for the memorial service I got to thinking about how just two weeks prior I had settled comfortably in this very pew, almost in this very same spot to witness the nuptials performed in this very place. A great joy and a deep sorrow so starkly contrasted in this church, in front of this altar. I closed my eyes and a tear leaked uncontrollably from my eye and I felt it track down my cheek as I struggled to dig a kleenex from my purse. I breathe in deeply, wrestling with the emotions which threaten to overtake my tenuous self-control. I concentrate on God and try to open myself to His comfort. I think to myself that this is where we come to share the most epic moments of our lives with God. From baptisms to confirmations and weddings to funerals we long to share all these moments with our maker. I think the reasons are varied, but we crave His approval, His blessing and His strength from our cradle to our grave. No matter what the occasion is that I find myself in this house of worship, I feel centered when I am in this place. I feel love and I feel peace.

Ah, peace. We all want peace. If we could just “understand why” then we could find, ever elusive, peace. I have found a great deal of peace over the last five years and not one ounce of it has ever come from “understanding why” anything has happened. To be perfectly honest, I don’t understand squat about why bad things happen. Why is there tragedy? I don’t know. Why do fatal accidents happen? I don’t have any idea. Why are there natural disasters? I haven’t the slightest notion. Why is there cancer? Why did I survive it and why do others succumb? I haven’t a clue. But I do know that even if I completely understood why any of these things happen it wouldn’t undo them. Understanding doesn’t have the power to do that. Understanding is just that, understanding. God knows why these things happen and He knows peace won’t be found with that knowledge because it won’t alter circumstance. You know the old saying “No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.” isn’t off base.  Peace is found in trust.

I open my eyes and steady myself for the service and the tears that are sure to come. I draw comfort from the words offered by our pastor in gratitude for a life cut short, but well lived. I feel the thrum of hope behind the hymns of praise and thanksgiving. I know my God is here in the midst of all this sorrow. I open my sad, aching soul, trusting Him completely and peace, like a balm, washes over me. 

Thomas threw a punch at your cancer.
3 people sent you a prayer.
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Beautifully said as alway Michelle!
Love these words!
Michele likes this comment
So sorry for the life cut short, Michelle. Baptisms, weddings, funerals, circle of life, right. I'm glad that life was lived well. In the end that's what matters.
Michele likes this comment
God is love and from God comes peace knowing that all is unfolding according to his will and with Him on our side there is no fear..Thanks Michele for a beautiful testimony ...hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
Michele likes this comment
It is amazing how the church serves as the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, and a whole lot of wonderful events in between. I think you got it right Michele, we don't understand why, but with acceptance we might find peace. And Sabina summed it up well too, God is love; John's Letters state that clearly.
Michele, Tyndall like this comment
Blessings of peacefulness, love and happiness to you.
Michele likes this comment
Aw Michelle, you made me cry. A good cry! And the peace! Thank you.
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To some extent, we have to realize that some of what we see as inequities are random in nature. That is my belief anyway.
Thank you for speaking on the search for peace and understanding.
Michele likes this comment
Very well written, and hope you always find that peace!
Michele likes this comment
Yes, the circle of life goes on. Thankfully, we have joyful ones to ebb the pain of our losses, and my deepest sympathy to you.
As always, you have expressed what my heart feels, and beautifully so. Peace to you.
Michele likes this comment
I too feel centered when I am in church. The diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer came three weeks after the death of my mother. My husband and I cared for her those last few years and looked forward to a time that would be just ours. Unfortunately, that was not to be and I was angry with God and could not find that peace. I ask ed all my friends to pray that I might experience peace but until I recognized I was the one pushing God away... There was no peace. Today, most days, I am aware of the One who brings peace and comfort. Thanks for such a wonderful reminder.
Michele, Donald like this comment
Beautifully written. I'm glad you are here, I find peace in your words.
Michele likes this comment
The peace that passes understanding. That's the promise, and it's what we all want. I've heard it said, while we cry when someone leaves, there is a huge welcome home party on the other side. God and our loved ones welcome us home, one wants to leave!
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January 31, 1963 - June 10, 2020

Vital Info


October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

June 10

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3


As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation.


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