It will be okay...honey.

Writing is cathartic to me and just as my cancer diagnosis opened this avenue of expression in me creating a relief valve for my emotions the election of last night has jarred some words loose that must be expelled onto a page. This isn’t a piece about my party affiliation although those tones can hardly be erased because my beliefs are part of my general make up. This is a piece about realizing my true sources of hope and strength. You may have noticed the word “sources” instead of “source”. That is not a type-o. If I were to only speak of my primary source of hope and strength, God, it would eliminate those he put in my life that provide it on my earthly journey. 

Okay, back to last night. I’d been avoiding watching election results all night long and my husband agreed to watch a bit of the cooking channel. Which turned into a sort of volleyball match between the Food Network and CBS Election night coverage. “I’m just gonna check” he would preface before pressing the “back button” on the remote control. When I couldn’t take it any longer, long before Florida was declared for the GOP, I slipped up to our bedroom to read some e-mails and get things ready for work the next day. Within 30 minutes my husband joined me and after getting settled in he again clicked on CBS just to “check” on how things were going. My stomach hurt at the prospect of watching. Much like the removal of a bandaid I wanted it ripped off quickly. I just wanted to know the end results - sans the drama. I close my eyes against the scene playing out on the screen and pray to my heavenly source of hope and light and His peace floods my soul. My husband turned off the TV a few minutes later and we rolled to face each other in the dark. He gently kissed my lips goodnight. As he rolled to his right I whisper to him “What are we going to do? What will happen to us if healthcare laws are repealed and our insurance company refuses to pay for anymore of my care?”  (As everyone who knows me is aware that I am well past any benefit capitation policy probably ever written. I am sure I have received close to a million dollars, if not more, in health benefits. You might be thinking that with all the issues that surround this election that I might have a bigger fish to fry than this. But the truth of it is that we all have our own fish to fry. Really our fish are our foundation for our position on bigger issues. My fish is my tenuous good health. So with all my concern of other country and world wide issues it always comes back to the fish in my pan.) I was feeling peace trying to escape me. My husband reaches his hand back and gently pats my hip and with a voice full of love and confidence tells me he doesn’t think that it will happen that way. That he has to believe that protections will be put in place for folks like us. “It will be okay honey.” he assures me. An earthly peace then covers me like a blanket insulating the peace within. I sigh thanking God in that moment for my husband and his confidence. I turn all things over to Him and close my eyes to sleep knowing that it will be okay...honey.

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Love this Michele...God Bless you XO
Michele likes this comment
Yes, the fear of the unknown- all we can do is wait and see and pray that insurance companies don't start dumping cancer fighters and survivors. Nice to have your spouse at your side.
MGBY,
John
Michele, Betsy like this comment
Thank you for this this morning Michelle. I am covered in Goose Bumps and ready to cry after reading this. These are good things. I could not watch anymore of the election results last night. I had to go to bed. I woke up with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. As a cancer survivor, and the mother of a disabled young man, I fear for what the results of this election will do to my world. So thank you for your comforting words.
Michele, Marian like this comment
Well said. So scary to think millions could lose so much😢😢😪
Marian, Michele like this comment
Beautiful piece about peace! I, too, tried to avoid the results, watching houses being renovated on HGTV that I had already seen renovated before. My husband stayed in the basement, watching results and sleeping. I went to sleep with a sick feeling and still have it today - even the kids in the school where I'm working are "off." I hope we can all find some comforting peace from our loved ones in the months and years to come.🙏🏼
Michele likes this comment
That was beautiful! It will be ok
Michele likes this comment
I felt the same way last night," the what ifs" playing in my mind over and over. I too, am reassured by your husband's loving confidence, and thank you both so much for sharing these words. Let us not lose hope, we are strong enough to conquer anything!
Michele likes this comment
I cried myself to sleep last night worried about this very thing. Whether or not you liked Obamacare, it was a beneficial for our daughter. And we pay a good amount for that coverage, but I am happy to pay it and happy that she has NEVER been uninsured in her 23 years on earth. We in the medical turmoil of cancer are also a marginalized part of the population And i I am unconvinced that anyone in the GOP cares. Not until they go through it....but if you live long enough, most everyone will have either a health event or a pre existing condition, or a kid with cancer.
Michele likes this comment
I sure hope you're right, but I wouldn't be surprised at just about anything now...Best to you Michele, and that wonderful husband of yours. Love...Lucky
Michele likes this comment
Luckily, I was invited to my daughters, for dinner, (she has no tv) But, this morning when I woke and realized what happened. I too was shocked at my personal impact. Less about politics, and exactly about confusion; my health insurance.
I was already totally confused. Part of the job I retired from last year, was to explain to patients, their insurance, but, that was describing a particular insurance pertaining to a particular specialty. Trying to look at all the insurances, with all the loopholes, is mind boggling. And when I do choose, will that mean I have nothing, if it's cancelled by the new administration?
But, then after a good talk with myself, sanity prevailed and I thought, I want to join the country and help the change over, to be one successful country.

PS: Michelle, I am available if you need a team member to go to DC.
Michele likes this comment
Thank you Michelle. You spoke the word I was thinking today. I hope you don't mind if I share some of your thoughts that mirror my fears about reaching the benefit limits. As I was consumed by that fear, I heard a coworker say she was worried for her marriage. I said that I did know that she and her wife were having problems. She said they weren't but she wasn't sure if her marriage would still be legal. Time will tell.
Michele likes this comment
I couldn't help but worry last night about the millions of people in the US that may not be able to afford healthcare in the future. I hope there is some compassion in your government officials and decision makers. Thinking of you.
Michele, Karen like this comment
You have such a beautiful way of writing!! God Bless and prayers that health care will be better not worse!!! XOXO, Lenae
Dear Lenae,
I hope you are doing ok, I miss you guys!
Love Jean
Lenaecpht likes this comment
Hey Michele, Unlike most of my American friends on here, I was up till 3:00 a.m. watching the results of the U.S. election, I could not believe what I was seeing! Are you kidding me America! How did that ever happen? My heart goes out to all my friends and family living there. Although I live in Canada ,my Son and 3 Grandsons live in Virginia, and I am scared as hell for their safety and well-being living in the U.S. right now. One of my biggest concerns is for their health care, what if one of them gets hurt or sick? How do you even pay premiums for 3 young boys? Will they have to fight insurance for coverage? They are not wealthy!! Will they be looked after? I share your worries Michele! Makes me so grateful to have Universal Health Care (single payer) here in Canada, and I truly believe if the Republican party hadn`t blocked all the good things that Obama tried to do for the good of all Americans, that you would have it too!! SO SAD! I can not imagine all the worries that you guys talk about when it comes to your health care and dealing with insurance companies, as I can go to bed at night and not have to worry about my health care. I have no idea how much it cost for my cancer treatment and follow-up as I have never seen a bill. You shouldn`t have to worry about this either!! Hell, if Trump would have paid SOME taxes it probably would have paid for free health care for all Americans!! Sorry, If I am being to political here, but I am somewhat of a political activist and a supporter of the Social Progressive movement (DEMOCRAT) in my country. I have great faith in the Millenials in the U.S. and around the world, they are young, educated, motivated, and want change. As a Canadian, my heart is very heavy to think of such a well respected (around the world), President Obama and his wonderful wife and daughters being replaced by a Billionare Playboy and his Nude Centerfold Wife!! America just went 5 steps back. I am currently watching the meeting between the President and Trump and it`s worse then watching election night!! All I can think is this can`t be really happening, please wake me up someone, this has to be a BAD dream!! Sorry for the long rant, but had to get it off my chest,LOL. God help us all and Michele, you will be okay Honey!
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Vital Info

Posts

October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3

No

As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp

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