It will be okay...honey.
Writing is cathartic to me and just as my cancer diagnosis opened this avenue of expression in me creating a relief valve for my emotions the election of last night has jarred some words loose that must be expelled onto a page. This isn’t a piece about my party affiliation although those tones can hardly be erased because my beliefs are part of my general make up. This is a piece about realizing my true sources of hope and strength. You may have noticed the word “sources” instead of “source”. That is not a type-o. If I were to only speak of my primary source of hope and strength, God, it would eliminate those he put in my life that provide it on my earthly journey.
Okay, back to last night. I’d been avoiding watching election results all night long and my husband agreed to watch a bit of the cooking channel. Which turned into a sort of volleyball match between the Food Network and CBS Election night coverage. “I’m just gonna check” he would preface before pressing the “back button” on the remote control. When I couldn’t take it any longer, long before Florida was declared for the GOP, I slipped up to our bedroom to read some e-mails and get things ready for work the next day. Within 30 minutes my husband joined me and after getting settled in he again clicked on CBS just to “check” on how things were going. My stomach hurt at the prospect of watching. Much like the removal of a bandaid I wanted it ripped off quickly. I just wanted to know the end results - sans the drama. I close my eyes against the scene playing out on the screen and pray to my heavenly source of hope and light and His peace floods my soul. My husband turned off the TV a few minutes later and we rolled to face each other in the dark. He gently kissed my lips goodnight. As he rolled to his right I whisper to him “What are we going to do? What will happen to us if healthcare laws are repealed and our insurance company refuses to pay for anymore of my care?” (As everyone who knows me is aware that I am well past any benefit capitation policy probably ever written. I am sure I have received close to a million dollars, if not more, in health benefits. You might be thinking that with all the issues that surround this election that I might have a bigger fish to fry than this. But the truth of it is that we all have our own fish to fry. Really our fish are our foundation for our position on bigger issues. My fish is my tenuous good health. So with all my concern of other country and world wide issues it always comes back to the fish in my pan.) I was feeling peace trying to escape me. My husband reaches his hand back and gently pats my hip and with a voice full of love and confidence tells me he doesn’t think that it will happen that way. That he has to believe that protections will be put in place for folks like us. “It will be okay honey.” he assures me. An earthly peace then covers me like a blanket insulating the peace within. I sigh thanking God in that moment for my husband and his confidence. I turn all things over to Him and close my eyes to sleep knowing that it will be okay...honey.
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November 9, 2016 at 5:59AM PST by Private UserMGBY,
John
I was already totally confused. Part of the job I retired from last year, was to explain to patients, their insurance, but, that was describing a particular insurance pertaining to a particular specialty. Trying to look at all the insurances, with all the loopholes, is mind boggling. And when I do choose, will that mean I have nothing, if it's cancelled by the new administration?
But, then after a good talk with myself, sanity prevailed and I thought, I want to join the country and help the change over, to be one successful country.
PS: Michelle, I am available if you need a team member to go to DC.
I hope you are doing ok, I miss you guys!
Love Jean
