Bitter Sweet Happiness

Hello my friends! I am well...really well! Saw my oncologist today. I remain, according to my CT, NED! I am so happy, but it feels bitter sweet after losing my souliest of soul sisters, Tammie Hine, to this ugly disease. I will carry on and live in joy because to do less than that will tarnish Tammie's legacy and I will have no part in that...

So cheers my friends! I rest in God's grace, as do we all!

Michele

 

 

 

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Congratulations!
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NED is the best!
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Yay for NED! I am sorry for the loss of your friend🌷💕
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So wonderful!!
Live well, enjoy it!
Hugs, Jean
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God bless you and my condolences on the loss of your dear friend. XO
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Wow Michelle. What great news. Like in war, we cancer survivors can feel survivor's guilt in addition to actual loss. I remember when a friend of mine was diagnosed with anal cancer. Having been through a horrendous situation myself, I was determined to help her through the experience and avoid any mistakes that I made (like not getting a second opinion). She sailed through the experience continuing to jog and go to work, well hydrated and feeling pretty okay except for the last few days of radiation. When she had her follow up and was NED, I was so very happy for her as we spoke on the phone. I hung up and began sobbing about my experience of being hospitalized for eight months, losing 45 lbs, being in a semi-vegetative state and doctors encouraging my partner to sign a DNR saying that I had a fatal infected wound from surgery and would not recover. I cried as I wondered why my experience wasn't as relatively easy when compared to my friends. My tears were such a surprise to me and I felt awful about having such thoughts. No matter the outcome, many of us have powerful sometimes confusing feelings. It can be tough being human. I hope you allow all of your feelings and eventually come to some peace with all of it and fully embrace the joy of being NED.
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But Regina, you did the right thing- you helped someone else NOT have to go thru as bad of a time as you- you made more then lemonade from lemons, you made martinis! Sharing our experiences with others to make their treatment easier is the most wonderful thing you can do. Then there's also the WTH question of how a good strong man, easily 5 times stronger than me is taken by cancer, yet I was saved? Being guardian angels to others is the best we can do- and no guarantees. It is sad that we've lost friends, very sad; but, also joyful when we hear of others being NED- and we rejoice- we should- with no guilt. Michele is right, it is bittersweet, just like graduating high school. That's all I've got to say about that. MGBY all, John
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Regina, what an experience you had!! I cannot imagine. No wonder those emotions came up. You shouldn't feel awful for having those thoughts. How could you not? I'm glad you wear able to express all that emotion. Nothing wrong with that at all.
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What a great way to honor Tammie...congrats!
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congratulations. I am so happy for you and your wonderful news. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.
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Congrats, Michele, and I'm sure Tammie would wish you nothingt but good health and happiness!
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Wonderful news!
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A big hug to you!!
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As always you are so well written. Blessings to the words NED. May you continue to hear them well into the future.
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Thank you for sharing your good news; it goes a long way for inspiration. Always a good time for good news, but especially now at this festive time. I wish I knew sweetheart Tammie longer and better because I sensed she was one of those people that we are fortunate to know in this life. And you bet she would be so happy for your NED! If you get too busy, Merry Christmas and a great year ahead! God bless. PS: Give your chi's belly rubs from me.
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I am so, so happy for you, Michele! And I know Tammie is dancing in Heaven for you. She would want you to carry on, as I know you will! I wish you forever NED and I send love and big hugs!
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So happy for you!!!! Merry Christmas!!
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Great news Michelle!
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and CHEERS to YOU!! Fabulous!!
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that's what gets me thru life. my mother would want me to be happy and would kick my ass if I cried and remained in a bad place. So happy for you about NED. Go out and celebrate!!! Have a happy holiday!
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The best news ever. I am so happy for you. Wave a wonderful Xmas & a perfect New Year Hugs Annabelle
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YEA! my friend! and Tammie is in heaven saying YEA too! Merry Christmas Michele! love you and hugs and always prayers .. Sabina
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I think the wider our view is that all our happiness becomes "bittersweet". And I also think we are all accountable to widening our view. I am elated you are in a continued state of NED. You are, too, the souliest of soul sisters in this cancer family. Love you!
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Congrats NED! Your friend would want you to celebrate, she's celebrating as well.
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Congratulations
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Congrats on dancing with NED ... the best of all dance partners.
So understand your bittersweet feelings. We lost my brother-in-law to melanoma just a few months ago. I still have moments when I wonder why himand not me. I also have times when I am anxious to be around his family because I am scared that they are mad at me for surviving. Such a yucky disease and leaves everyone, fighter, survivors, caregivers and loved ones with deep deep scars.
You have no idea what an inspiration you are/have been to me. When I first got diagnosed and starting going through treatment, I read your entire blog. It gave me hope that I would conquer this beast. Keep being the light in the darkness.
HUGS!!!
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Vital Info

Posts

October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3

No

As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp

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