Nothing Humbles a Girl Like....

I pooped my pants a couple of nights ago. Are you shocked? I was. It had been a while since this had happened to me. Like a really, really, really long time ago. It happened just after dinner. I stood up, pushed in my chair, and with my first step away from the table I felt shit exit my body. No urge, no warning, not even the slightest feeling of the passing of gas. I went and cleaned myself up grateful that I was not at work or out in a social setting. I have always said “Nothing humbles a girl like pooping her pants!’ and when that popped into my mind I let out a giggle and instinctively reached for my phone to call Tammie. My hand froze just above my cell phone. Oh yeah, she’s not here anymore. You see, we always called each other when we had “an accident”. We would laugh together, talk about how awkward it was and I would say my “humbles a girl” quote and we would laugh some more. I pulled my hand back from my phone and my giddiness faded away leaving me a bit sad with a feeling of loneliness. It had been a while since I felt the isolation that anal cancer can bring.

I shake off that feeling and instead of crying, which I was terribly tempted to do, I text a new friend of mine that I suspect is a soul sister, one that reaches beyond our like cancer diagnosis. I don’t tell her “I pooped my pants” because I think that might come off as perhaps a bit strange, but I do tell her how glad I am that we have been put in touch with each other and that I adore her. She responds immediately in true soul sister fashion that the feeling is mutual, cancer be damned! I feel better. I am not alone. My ‘souliest’ of soul sisters has departed this life but a new friendship has been formed and fills the void. I like this. It warms my troubled spirit.

I am alive. I am loved. I am a miracle. Nothing humbles a girl like surviving.

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Thank you
Michele likes this comment
I agree....nothing!!!
Michele likes this comment
This is our reality unfortunately. Wish it wasn't but there it is. Poop is my obsession.
I'm glad you have found a kindred spirit.
Michele likes this comment
I am nurse and over the last 34 years I can remember many elderly patients being obsessed with their bowels. I used to laugh. Now, I am them and I am only 54...pahahaha. I guess the jokes on me!
Becky likes this comment
I'm glad you were home too! I had the same experience a couple weeks ago - got out of my car after work and boom - no real warning, hadn't happened in over a year. I was also happy it waited until I got home - always have to find a bright side! I'm sorry Tammie wasn't there for you - it takes so long after someone is gone for our subconscious to really know it 😕
Michele likes this comment
I couldn't agree more--so very humbling. Since cancer and the subsequent occasional involuntary letting go of the bowels, I eat with that little thought bubble always over my head that says "Hmmmmmmmm, I wonder how this is all going to come out." lol!
Michele, Linda like this comment
Gotta find a way to laugh about it- I saw a movie and the guy did the same thing- he phrased it as he "sharted himself" - thought it would be a fart, and it was more than that! On the bright side, at least you don't have to worry about being constipated! Hope you can find a 'soul sister' to joke about these surprise events. And hey, don't make yourself older- you've got 5 days to enjoy being 53 years young! So an early happy birthday greeting to you as well Michele.
MGBY,
John
Michele likes this comment
You give me hope; your mention of your new soul sister.
I am taking applications. It's been a rough year and a half; retirement, cancer, and politics.
After coming home from a cancer group, discovered I had stained my white pants. Absolutely no signal of that happening. I was so embarrassed, I actually thought I wouldn't go back.
I'm glad I went back, can't get enough of my cancer group.
I am glad you are healing!
Hugs Jean
Michele likes this comment
just love you so much..Sabina:)
The feeling is mutual Sabina! 😘
I love your writing....thanks for sharing
Michele likes this comment
Thank you!
The toilet shouldn't have all the fun.
Not that pooping in your pants is fun, but you've spent more than your fair share on the toilet. Might as well accept a shortcut once in awhile.
BTW, with your soul, I suspect there are many soul sister relationships on your horizon. 💓💓
Michele, Emsnana like this comment
Your kind words are a balm on my aching soul...thank you!
Humbling is the correct word. Pancreatic cancer with all its' bag of tricks, seems to really have fun with this one. I was with my grandchildren in bed when all of a sudden I knew I was going to have "some splainin" to do. I sprinted to the bathroom, made it over the bedroom carpet but the minute I hit the bathroom tile, it was over. I heard my three year old granddaughter ask my husband "What's that on the floor"? and I was thinking it sure isn't chocolate pudding🙄. Yes indeed nothing humbles a girl like ....
Cancer is like a weight on our shoulder but it seems from time to time, the weights get heavier
I felt very sad as you talked about picking up the phone and realizing that you could not laugh with Tammie anymore. How wonderful that you chose to shake off the feeling, finding a way to support yourself. Loved reading your blog and you are right "nothing humbles a girl like surviving".
Betsy, Michele like this comment
Strangely enough after my "new norm" is the new routine I too recently have suddenly started having accidents with no warning. Fortunately each time I was arriving at home so could go straight in & clean up. I'm sure it must be something I ate although again up until now I was okay & didn't really consciously restrict my eating anything. Still this monster is always trying to catch us out - but it wont beat us.
So sad about Tammie but you can talk about "poop" to me anytime!!! Hugs Annabelle
Michele likes this comment
Thanks for sharing Michele! I too have had many HUMBLING experiences since treatment ,mostly passing gas in public, thank god! very embarrassing!
Michele likes this comment
You have that right sista! Fortunately, I've been okay, but ya never know if that day will come & I guess it's something you can't be too prepared for if it's not the norm.
Michele likes this comment
I always try to think of Toad in Wind in the Willows, driving his roadster and saying "Poop Poop!" Gives it a litle pizazz!
Michele, Laura like this comment
But you would appreciate a little warning at least, right. I never mentioned here, but I have IBS for years now, probably from all the Rex's to treat Lupus. So as far as the urgency that comes out of thin air, I can relate.
Michele likes this comment
nothing more embarrassing to poop your pants or let a big stinker in public. Know all about the urgency and just coming when you don't know if it is going to be flatus or the "big pooper Dooper."
Michele likes this comment
You have such a wonderful view on the not so funny things that go hand in hand with anal cancer. I too have surprises which always seem to come when I am in awkward situations. I have an opportunity to join with a group of my Sorority sisters from college in Cancun. I want to go, but am worried about food, accidents, pain and other not so fun things. It does make for a hard topic to rekindle old friendships with. I know you as well as many of us on BFAC miss Tammie. It is good for you to have found another "soul sister". Friendship and understanding is good for the heart. And Cancer be damned! There is always Depends.
Michele likes this comment
Thank you for sharing. That's the beauty of this group, it taught me it was ok to discuss my accidents. Power to the Poop! I must admit, I have been fortunate over the last 2 months and have only had an accident just a couple of times. The one I had with my son in the restroom, was life changing, I told him what happened and proceeded to the clean up ritual. One thing I have found is that it's much easier for cleanup if you are standing when it makes its unannounced appearance. Feel free to call me, I will be more than happy to share our accidents. This cancer most definitely has taught us all to be humble. My new chemo has slowed things way down. Just started back on stool softener, I don't want to go the opposite, when you have 15-20 explosive bouts for 15 months and then it slows, that is welcoming, yet it has to keep moving. As we get older, poop becomes more and more important. Ricks grandad that I took care of his last 3 years, he had a terrible time going, we knew day 4 he was going to be ill, so we kept myralax and mag citrate on hand. He would call me, day or night, to say "the eagle has landed" we all would get so excited for him, even when he would go into detail, size, color, consistency, you name he described it. Rick goes on the 8th for his colonoscopy, I must admit, I am intrigued... What is it??? Fish or fowl?? I pray it's just a little fish bone and it can be removed quickly! So far, since they told him that it may be a fish or chicken bone, once a week at work, they eat fish, he loves fish, but due to his current situation, he has to defer from eating fish. Sorry to throw that in, it just felt it may make you smile. Again, thank you for sharing. God bless you. Oh and btw... Even though it's been a couple of months, I still use Depends, just in case.
Michele likes this comment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY for 31st. Hope you have a wonderful day & a good next year. Hugs Annabelle
Michele likes this comment
Happy happy happy birthday!🎉🎂
Michele likes this comment
Happy birthday Michele! Time to celebrate another year of life! Love...Lucky
Michele likes this comment
It is sad to be reminded that a friend, with whom one can share "pop stories". is no longer a phone call away. Hugs!
As far as pop accidents--sans ANY type of warning... I've had several ; including, unfortunately, 3x at work. Mortifying!!
Just mortifying... But, yes, being alive and relatively healthy IS humbling. When others, cancer, accident, whatever, are not so fortunate. Peace, Michelle.😊🐰
Michele likes this comment
Happy Birthday, gorgeous!!
Why thank you!
From one pooper to another......Happy Birthday! Love your posts.
Michele likes this comment
You are real trooper, Michele. A "pooper" trooper if I may. XD
But seriously, this post is so wonderful and helpful for any one of us - even if we may not have experienced anal cancer, there are a hundred other life events that could bring us to this scenario! Being able to laugh about it and see that silver lining (of being at home) is inspiration to us all. Thank you!
Michele likes this comment
Omg this has happened to me Many times. Ugh. Dr wants me to go to this certain dr fir testing to check the muscle control. Umm I don't think I need this dr to say the muscle is weak!!
Michele likes this comment
Happy Birthday Michele,
I hope you enjoyed your special day.
Much Love,
Pen
Michele likes this comment
Your post tugged at my heart strings big time!! Some people are just irreplaceable no way round it. But...one thing about this big ol' uncertain world, you never know when and where you might just bump into your new keeper!!! Till then I'm glad you told us! :) hang in there sister!!!
Michele likes this comment
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Vital Info

Posts

October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3

No

As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp

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