Don't Wake Me

Life has been such a whirl wind lately. I feel like taking care of myself, in all my “long term side effect” glory, has become a full-time job in itself. I have been in some type of physical therapy since August of 2017. That alone sounds like enough for anybody, but as you know I have been dealing with sciatica, hip problems, digestive issues and girl trouble that I don’t even want to delve into right now, plus this pesky area that we are monitoring in my lung. (On a happy note, the spot in my lung has disappeared and I don’t need to be scanned again until early April. That’s pretty good news.) Yes, taking care of “me” has been rough. I Especially miss my bestie Laurie more keenly than ever as the first anniversary of her unforeseen death just passed. If we look back in time the last nine years have been fraught with tragedy, pain and frustration, loss and agony. But this, my dear readers, is a post of contentment. I know it doesn’t feel like that with this opening paragraph, but bear with me.

Woven through the tragedy of my cancer and difficult existence of these last nine years are some of the biggest joys of my life. My husband loves me with a force that I draw strength from. My children have grown into adulthood right before my very eyes. I stood in awe as I watched them pass milestones on their way. Birthdays, graduations, first jobs, changing careers, falling in love, finding “the one”, weddings and children of their own. I have discovered who my real friends are. True friends are a real blessing. The importance of my family has been revealed in unlikely ways. Life is too short and I have really put an effort into showing appreciation for the good and distancing myself from the things I know are toxic to my spirit. Life as a whole has been overall good with some tragedy and pain woven in. For a long time I thought my life was just a bad dream. I was sure that I would rouse from a slumber and say “Whew. What a nightmare! Thank God it’s not my real life!”  But if that’s what this is, then please, don’t wake me.

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So happy to read this, Michele, you deserve all the joys in life right now! I know how you feel, after suffering what we have, everything else is just icing on the cake now. I have to sometimes remind myself of that when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed. My first grandchild is due to arrive in April, and that will be a new life and a new beginning for our family too - cannot wait!
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Julie, I am so happy for you! Being a grandma is the simply the best!
HAPPY NEW YEAR. Good to hear from you & that overall things are going well. Hugs Annabelle
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I am so happy for you! What a lovely life!
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Love this
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No surprise you have a published blog. Your writing is a pleasure to read. Thank you.
Thank you! 3rd Edition is almost ready to go to print, but I keep adding “one more” entry every time we edit.
Love this! Thank you so much for your writing! In terms of girl troubles.... have you heard of the Mona Lisa touch (a laser treatment), osphena (an oral med) or reveree( a suppository)? I am having the conversations...

I have always found strength in your posts. Thank you!
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Michelle you are right on target. You words are uplifting and is very similar to the way we are feeling in what will probably be the last months of my husbands life. We have choices, and although we are sometimes sad together most of the time we are grateful and joyous. You are a great inspiration, and I may burrow your words from time to time if you don't mind. You are blessed.
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Borrow all the words you want to...peace to you.
Wow Michelle, 9 years post treatment still living life is an inspiration to me. As I have completed treatment 3 months out, your story is encouraging to me. Although there are problems, you seem to have embraced the positive moments in life. Thank u for posting as we newbies have just started our journey and it's good to know that 9 year survival is possible. Stay strong.
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I am so glad you are blessed with such a wonderful family that loves you as much as you love them. Without going into depressing detail, I only wish I had that. You have been through so much and deserve every blessing bestowed upon you. I wish you all the joy in the world, my friend!
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Oh my friend. The relationship you have with your mama inspires me! We have all been through so much. You are so very dear to me!
Michele
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Awwwwwwwww, thank you, my sweet friend! Love ya!
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Thank you for sharing and Happy New Year to all!
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Thank you for this loving post and here's a hug for the year ahead. You are a wonder!
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Enjoy this beautiful life because you not only deserve it, you earned it. 😘
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Michele, thank you for your uplifting post and a summary of so many wonderful things, as well as the troublesome. You are inspirational. I have ongoing bladder, vaginal, anal and hip issues and its so good to know one is not alone. When wiping, mopping up, changing clothes, attending appointments, its good (from a feeling connected perspective) to think that others go through the same (and far worse). I'm so sorry you lost your bestie. Friends transform the world. Very pleased that your lung is clear. Sending love, Mary
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I always look forward to reading your posts. They are inspiring. Thank you for your insight and providing the words that i sometimes struggle to find. Happy New Year!
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I am so happy for you and through it all there are always blessings and you are one of mine... I am so happy that nodule disappeared! men and prayers answered for us both! hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
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Love you Sabina! Sooo happy for you!!
Hello Michele, I just came across your videos and now your blog. I was just diagnosed and have so many questions. My husband is amazing and we are seeking and educating ourselves to decide what is the best option for treatment. I have terrified of the radiation and the side effects. How did you battle that. I will keep you in my prayers
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Hope you are having a splendid birthday! (Of course every day is in some way a birthday...)
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Vital Info

Posts

October 3, 2011

Click Here

January 31, 1963

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the anus

February 5, 2010

Stage 4

2.1 - 3.0 cm

Grade 3

No

As much as possible

Proceeds from my published blog donated monthly

It is a thief

You have to live every day of your life and stay positive :)

Donate $$ to the anal cancer foundation. Raising awareness saves lives!

Is there anything good about poison?

Bone, lung recurrence 9/20/2012

Cancer Center of Kansas, MD Anderson

Bland diet, sitz baths, take your drugs...nobody gets extra credit for suffering.

Talk, talk, talk to somebody. I chose to write.

April 20, 2010

September 20, 2010

Rectal bleeding, itching, sciatic pain. (thought my hemorhoid was acting up)

My blog has been published and proceeds go to The HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation. http://tinyurl.com/72bjjfp

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